Sunday, October 25, 2015


This life is full of heartbreak and pain. Pain that will drawn you in, and cause you to drown. I've learned in the recent months that pain is a necessary and healing part of true breakthrough. However, it is imperative to have pain with a purpose.

Parts of my life have hurt so bad. It's been numbing. It's been ongoing. It has caused life choices with serious consequences. But it is not permanent.

I would look at people who seem to have experienced breakthrough and wonder how that happened for them. What did it take? What did it cost?

I am the kind of person that requires a 12 step program to do anything. I excel at following directions.  If you say something will work (like life wise, I'm not a sucker for infomercial products....usually) I will probably try it. I'll read any book you suggest...eventually.

I'll cry. I'll go to the alter. I'll say the right things. And those things are good and useful, but they don't guarantee change. 

When I talk about breakthrough, I mean that I want to stop being hung up on my pain. I want to have situations that have affected me for the entirety of my life... NOT affect me anymore.

True breakthrough starts when you acknowledge the lies you've been believing. 

I used to think that if I gave up my pain - it wouldn't matter anymore.

That those situations, those people who hurt me, would kind of get a "get out jail free card". That I would be just kind of laughing at the past and turning a blind eye toward it.

I thought that letting go would be too hard, too painful. 

I thought I was willing to do whatever it takes. 
I wasn't.

Part of me wanted to hold on to those people, because I still wanted to hold on to that pain... I thought it validated me. 

I didn't actually want it out of my life. 

When I was a kid, I wanted to play the piano. But I didn't want to do the work. 
Now, I can't play the piano. 

I also believed that one day I would wake up and I would suddenly be in a different spot. 
Like I'd suddenly be mature.

But I've come to realize that unfortunately, that ain't how it works. 
If I don't put work in - I won't get to that place where I want to be. 

It's not enough to just acknowledge the lies, now you have a choice. 

Once you realize all the lies you've been believing it can be easy to feel shame, guilt, and like an idiot for not being smarter. 
That's stupid.

You can either choose to replace those lies with new lies...or replace them with truth. 

I wish I was done. 
Like okay there you go - breakthrough accomplished!! Thanks for playing! 

Retraining your brain takes so much work. It's about every thought. It's exhausting. 
But it is so worth it.

It is worth every tear, every hard night, every anxious thought.
Because Jesus is better.

I am happy to say that I am choosing to believe truth. But I would be remiss if I didn't say that it still hurt. But it was a different hurt. It was/ is pain WITH a purpose. Pain without a purpose results in despair. There is no hope. 

Pain WITH a purpose is all about hope. 
I had to take all those hurtful/ heartbreaking situations that affected my life since I was a baby and take them to God. Yes, I had to relive them. I think I cried more getting through it than I had before. I had to identify the root of the issue. I had to ask what He thought about MY situation. Not a basic "do you think ____ is bad?". 

Duh. Of course He does. 
But in my breakthrough, I learned that He was always there. 
Every painful memory, He gave me hope. 
He showed me how He was working. 
He replaced heartache with truth.

He restored my beauty. 
He showed I am worth it.
I am worth pursuing. 
I am loved.
I am whole.
I am chosen.
I am set free.
I am not bound by my past.
I am a powerful woman of God.
I am clothed in strength and dignity.
I am a force to be reckoned with.
My security belongs to Him and NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE IT. 

True breakthrough comes when you allow JESUS into every part of your life, every part of your mind, and you CHOOSE to act on what He shows you.

As Joyce Meyer says, one of the biggest lies of the enemy is that it's too hard.
It is hard. But it's not too hard.

God is a good God, and He allows us to make our own decisions. 
As graphic as this is, He won't rape us with His goodness, forgiveness, and mercy. 
We have to choose it. 

I absolutely love the way my friend Tiffany Myers put it. Read her blog post on the love of God, how HE sees you here. Please. You won't regret it.

I don't care what happened to you...whatever pit you are in by your own doing or someone else's....Jesus can handle it. 

And the beautiful thing is, He restores you to better than you ever imagined. 
Grace can be yours, friend. 
Choose it. 
Choose to have pain with a purpose and walk in your destiny. 

Thursday, October 8, 2015


There are so many words that are descriptions but not identifiers. 
We tend to use these "descriptions" as part of our identity.
At least I do.
Maybe you think you don't. But you're lying. 
Because if not now, at some point you did.

Skinny. Fat. Tall. Short.

Abused. Broken. Defeated.

Those words may describe who you are or who you've been but they are not your identity. 

Personally, I've been all those words. Some people believe I'm tall, others think I'm short. I've been both skinny and fat. And I've been abused, broken, and defeated. 

However, I've also been told all my life that I am beautiful. 
And part of me believes it, and most of me doesn't. 

That word may describe me, but I haven't made it my identity.

Because I have been realizing that my identity and your identity has nothing to do with what we think about who we are. 

But everything to do with what God thinks and says. 

And it's my choice - your choice to either believe it or continue to believe the "descriptions" we've placed on ourselves. 

I don't completely believe in everything God says about me. But it's a process. And I am not where I used to be. 

I can look at the ugly things in my past - and they don't hurt anymore. They do not cause the pain they used to cause. The only reason is Jesus. He heals and redeems all things. And though I don't completely believe it YET... someday I will completely believe that I am everything that God says I am. 

That is the heartbeat of this blog. The process. It can be painful, hard, and trying. But it is beautiful. And the process is what makes the end result so beautiful and worth fighting for.