Tuesday, June 3, 2014


That was taken yesterday. And I edited the crap out of it because the actual picture quality is terrible. Probably because I was DRIVING. And texting. And giving the person in the car next to me a high five. Not really. That was all for my mother's sake.

People, man. They are something else. I hope you're okay with a lot of words and pictures because thats all this post is going to be. I have a lot of thoughts and questions running around in my heart. So I'm going to throw them up on you. Gross. 

I wish people could see themselves the way people they love see them. I've noticed that we get so bogged down by our own sin and failures that we tend to forget about what we're doing RIGHT. We forget to focus on the good and tend to have a negative view on most circumstances. We forget how deeply we are loved and our choices reflect that. Well, at least mine do. I say all of this as an incurable optimist. I'm a big believer in fairy tales, happy ending, the perfect moment, and that people respond to grace and love in the most staggering and surprising ways. 

But when I view myself, all I see is what's wrong. The sin. The shame. The guilt. The past. The brokenness. Not all the time, not everyday. But in the quiet moments. In the stillness. In the dead of night. I am reminded of who I was, not who I am. The dreams in my heart that have yet to be fulfilled. The pain of the past. 

Everything has been a waiting game lately. Its driving me up the wall, and I can feel myself coming to a breaking point. I'm losing my patience. I'm wondering if God sees me right now. I KNOW he does, but I guess I don't believe it. But I want to. And then I dial myself back about a thousand notches and focus on what is going RIGHT in life. And man oh man does that help.

For example. I have the most obnoxious and loving cat. And while we're on the subject of obnoxious and loving, I have the best family and ride or die friends. I can't believe I just typed ride or die. Moving on. 

I guess that's what the purpose of this blog is. Remembering to cherish the process. Because whether its happy or painful, it writes the pages of our lives and gets us to the end result. Because every part of life has beauty, I'm so convinced of it. Even the hard parts. The heartbreaking parts. Because that is when Jesus mets you in the depths of your soul and reminds you of how unfathomably big He loves you. And me. And everyone. He's got the whole world in His hands. But chooses to see us, care about our stupid and deep worries, and be ravished with us. 

And remembering how loved we are, allows us to love others. To give grace in every moment, because honestly, what else is there?

I love the picture above. You are never as broken as you think you are if you have Jesus. The hurt of today is nothing compared to the glory and privilege of being deeply, intimately known and loved by Him. 

And a final thought, that I've seen proven true in my life is this: