Sunday, October 27, 2013

There's always Disneyland

I'd always thought that by the time I had (almost) graduated college I would have had my life at least a little bit together. Not even close. 

At least I have a sense of humor. Unfortunately I'm the only one who thinks I'm funny. But I spend a lot of time with myself so I suppose it works out. I have a really sarcastic sense of humor and am totally fine with making fun of myself, I am not having a complex.

I guess it's just easy to look at other people's life and feel as though they've got it all figured out and you're the only one who has no idea what's going on. You slept through half the movie, and now its almost over and you're completely lost. Sucks to suck.

It's a bit frightening to not have a "what's next" plan. Okay, I'm going to get a job and probably move back home...and then what? Honestly that isn't much different than what I've been doing the last few years. I was pretty sure that the next stage of my life was going to be getting married and being a mama. However, that would take a miracle. It's nice to almost be at that feeling of accomplishment with a degree...but in reality it's just a bazillion hours of your life spent on obtaining a $20,000 piece of paper. 

It's been hard to trust God in all of this. I feel as though my life is going to be on a never ending cycle and this season will last forever. I know and believe that isn't true. And I am a huge advocate of the saying "feeling are not truth". And I'm a big feelings person if you haven't noticed. It's kind of ridiculous. That being said, I've felt His presence so strongly the last few days, like His hand is resting on my heart. It's the most beautiful thing. A true peace.

I wish I could claim that by the end of writing this, I feel completely different about my life. Now, I'm not saying I'm not optimistic about my future. I don't believe it's possible for me to not be optimistic about some aspect of life. Honestly, I love my life and the people in it. I suppose I just feel awkward. This isn't how I thought it was going to be.

So while the plan I had in my head since high school won't become a reality right now, I'm really happy that I have so much to look forward to right now. For example, Disneyland. There's always Disneyland. <3 

I heard a quote was actually from a guy's vows to his wife. He said, "I vow to never stop being silly, mainly because I don't think I can". 

Not where I thought I'd be, but I like the person I am becoming. 

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